In Honour of Conor Peter Walsh

Conor Peter Walsh

 Sunday the 25th Feb 2007

 This is a day we will re-live over and over not only on this date but every Sunday, this was the day and date our lives changed forever.

Our only son and child ended his life.

We waited so long to have a child and after 9 years of marriage you can imagine the shock we got to find out there was a baby on the way. From that day this child was very special.

Conor was born on the April 5th in Queen’s N.Y. It was Easter Monday, a bouncing 7lb 14oz and 23 and a half inches long baby was born, a stunner then and always was.

 

We moved back to Ireland just before Conor’s third Christmas. We wanted the best for him as all parents do. And we never looked back. Conor was a very special child, blended in from his first day at playschool to the end. He was a very pleasant child and always well mannered. We always were so proud of him when his teachers and mentors would say how he stood out from the rest, not only for his height but for his manner towards everyone. At home Conor never went to sleep at night without saying good night and he always thanked me for his dinner every evening no matter how simple of a dinner it was. His smile could get him anywhere. Conor had some great interests, with football being his passion. His club An- Riocht ment the world to him. Conor was the captain of the football team at three different stages and played for down under14, under 16 and minors.

 

He always seemed to know what he wanted out of life and talked about the future so often. He loved to go on holiday, skiing was his favourite. Conor worked in a bar from when he was 14 and he loved it, when he decided to take a trade instead of going on in school we were so happy for him. He decided to be a plasterer and went and got it all set up and he arrived home one evening and said he was starting on the Monday.

 

Conor was known to go up the road every morning whistling and come back down the road the same way. He had great time for the older people and loved to banter with them. Many things come to mind when I think of Conor, some of the things he would say or do, one being when he was at St Columban’s, Frostie his mate and him decided not to shave and see who would hold out the longest, I hated this as Conor was so fair or should I say strawberry blonde, as this is what he would say anyway. They both stuck it out and I don’t know to this day which one of them looked the worst. Conor had great friends at school and at the social club. He would have been a real ladies man or so we’ve been told, he attended four formals and did enjoy life to the full. Conor was a great man for walking and swimming, he walked almost every night, he loved to walk on the beach and when it was bright he would take his cousin's dog, quite a large dog and in the dark he would take his own dog so no-one could see him. Gismo was a very spoilt dog and who spoiled him? Conor, but he wouldn’t admit that, if he were here.

 

Peter would have taken Conor into the Pub most Saturdays and loved this bonding time with him. Peter often recalls one night that they went out and the great time they had. I’ll just leave it up to you to imagine the state they came home in. This  is one of the things his Da misses so much. He misses going for that pint after the football, all the other lads are there but as I say Conor is always with them watching over them.

When Conor was 11 years old, we took him back to America, to see where he was born and where we lived, he was so excited and couldn’t believe how big the city was. While in America, we went to visit his cousin Sinead who was just a year younger than Conor and he went off to school with her, he thought he was great as everyone was all over him and he had to get up in front of the class and tell them where he was from and a bit about himself, he enjoyed that.

I’m writing this with tears in my eyes as 7 months after Conor died, Sinead also took her own life, a beautiful girl, very talented and like Conor just loved life. Conor had some great holidays with us and with his mates. Stories were told when he would get home but like all the young one’s, not everything. When Conor died it was amazing the stories we heard and still do. So many people thought so much of him and we still talk about him all the time, life hasn’t been easy for us, the loss we can’t explain, no one can. Conor was the lad who always had a word for everyone and the biggest smile you ever seen was no longer here, but he is, in a way our guardian angel and sits on our shoulders through good times and bad. He will always be a part of our lives and a part of all his friends lives, that who he is a gentle soul. 

 

Conor loved films with the green mile being his favourite. Conor loved music and dance and I believe he could move very well, his taste in music I didn’t mind, but his Da would always shout down the room “turn that boom boom music down” I still laugh when I think of that, I remember saying to Peter “I think we’re getting old” Conor never called his Daddy da, always pete from he could talk, we loved that. Another thing with Conor, he loved his food, chicken curry a favourite and he would ask me to make it one night a week and his mates would come down and enjoy a good curry. When I meet some of them to this day, they’ll ask about the curry.

 

Driving was a passion of Conors but he was so cute that he didn’t have a car of his own. We got him put on our insurance and he knew I only used that car Monday to Friday for work so when he got home from work the car would disappear every night and weekends. Monday it would be full of diesel and the following Monday it was empty. Mum being mum all I seemed to do was fill it. I could go on forever as I’m sure all parents could. Conor was Conor the happy boy, all his short life his Da and I never saw anything leading up to Conor’s death.

 

We believe Conor’s suicide was an impulsive act of a young man to resolve a dilemma that would have healed by time and good judgement at the time of Conor’s death, we believe he couldn’t see the next hour, day or night.

If only he had talked to his Da or me,

If only we had been with him,

If only we had seen a change,

If only, if only, if only, we seem to find ourselves saying this if only or what if, how could he, why, we will never know but one day we will meet again and be a family once more maybe then we will get our answers.

 

I always say Conor died by suicide not committed as he was a young man and to commit is a sin. Conor didn’t sin, he thought this was the right thing to do at that moment, if he only knew the sadness and heartbreak he caused he never would have done it as parents we know that. We never realised how many families were effected by this. (Always remember suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem).

 

Conor's funeral was unreal, the people who came to the house, phoned, wrote letters and cards showed us as parents how well known and respected he was by the young and old. Conor’s club An Riocht had a guard of honour from home to the chapel and also the schools he attended. We have made a lot of friends through what happened in out lives and P.I.P.S, if only Conor had of known about this group maybe he would still be with us today. Please remember someone is always there to listen.

 

Conor a Special son

When tomorrow starts without me

Don’t think we're far apart

For everytime you think of me

I’m right here in your heart.

 

Loved always and forever

Mum and Pete xxoo

 

Goodnight son.